What being a MOM looks like . . . can change from year to year.
Lily and me
I can't believe that it has been THREE YEARS since my last post in this blog. For those of you who have never read it, going through each post will tell you the story of our family's journey in pursuing adoption. I have thought of posting here over the past year or two, but, I think I have been afraid . . . .afraid of disappointment, as I see the dreams I have had being unmet. I read through each post this morning, and instead of bringing sadness, it brings me great joy!
Our family recently went to a movie called "Miracles from Heaven" at the $1.50 theater. It was one of those SC afternoons, when it was too hot to do anything else. I made a point of avoiding watching the trailers, so we could all be surprised in what the movie was about. Boy, talk about a tear jerker . . . every person in our family cried at least three times. We couldn't stop talking about it over the next few days. It got each one of us to thinking and it continues to speak to me as our family is experiencing a big change in our adoption journey. A big theme we got from the movie, is that there a many little miracles going on around us all the time, and God can use us to participate in the miracles too . . . sometimes things that seem really horrible, can actually turn into something AMAZING! We can look back and see how all the steps connect and lead us to where we are now .. . .it didn't make sense before, but, if we TRUST God and keep FAITH, sometimes a MIRACLE can reveal itself.
Our little guy in the hospital
If you take the time to look back through my blog posts, you will learn that ADOPTION has been a part of my life since childhood. It continued into my marriage, as Phil and I started our first homestudy in the summer of 2008 . . . first SC DSS, then Africa, then Haiti, and now back to South Carolina Dept. of Social Services . . . the story has come full circle, but, always felt called to adopt a little boy. Since that summer, God lit a fire within me, something I can't explain . . . a drive that carried me through all the paperwork, all the home visits, all the fundraising, all the failed attempts to raise enough money to adopt internationally . . .Phil and I have pondered giving up on adopting all together SOOO many times . . . . yet, we didn't . . .God was calling us to hang in there . . . to take in one more foster child (even though our hearts were worn).
Just like in the movie we watched, there were many pieces to a puzzle, but, we couldn't see them all yet. What I didn't know that Summer of 2008, is that there was a sweet baby boy being born in South Carolina that very summer. I didn't know that he would be on a journey of heartbreak and losses of his own over these past 8 years. When his teen mom couldn't care for him, his great-grandma became his mom for most of his life, until she passed away just over a year ago. Then, he moved from place to place, suffering from a medical condition, not receiving proper care, not being protected or provided for. As I was searching for our little boy for 8 years, he was waiting for a safe place . . . . God knew . . . God knew when he would need us most.
I received a call from DSS 9 months ago . . . we had just moved into a new house and were worn out. It was NOT a "good" time to take in a child, but, they begged for us to just take him for the weekend. They promised to find him another placement on Monday (what we didn't know, was that was going to be a group home). My mom instincts told me within the first 2 hours that something wasn't quite right with his health. I called in for a sub and took him to the doctor the next morning. I won't go in to all the details, but, we spent the next 48 hours together in the hospital. His intestines were completely malfuctioning, and I had to change his diaper every 20 to 30 minutes during our stay. I know it sounds so strange, but, as I was wiping this poor little guy's bottom, I felt a whisper from God . . ."he is a gift" . . . . "you are bonding with him, just like you would if you gave birth to him." God told me that this stressful, exhausting, and scary visit to the hospital was actually a GIFT.
Phil and I talked and prayed at length during that 48 hours, and one thing was clear . . .we would keep him . . . God's timing is not our timing . . .but He knows what He is doing. It has been 9 months now. . . our little man is turning 8 soon. We still don't know the final chapter to this story, so I have been hesitant to be vulnerable . . .to put this out there . . . for fear of it "not working out" like the other adoption pursuits. What God is telling me this morning, is that I need to keep TRUSTING him and keep FAITH that He has a MIRACLE in the works. I don't know exactly what that miracle is or the details of it, but, the glimpse He has been giving lately is awesome! There are good days and there are really hard days . . . being foster parents is not always easy. . . but, God's presence is evident . . .and that is enough for now.
In each season of my life, I have a "theme song" of sorts . . . one that makes me cry whenever I hear it. Over these past 8 years pursuing adoption, I have had many "theme songs." Right now, the words to Lauren Daigle's TRUST IN YOU, get me every time.
"Trust In You"
Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see
I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand
Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see
I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand
Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
Climbing to new heights TOGETHER!
Trusting God as we WAIT for His next chapter in our Journey - The Dante's
